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August 2014
25
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Please Support a Desperate Incest Survivor 

lace-me-tighter:

My name is Gabrielle, and I am an incest and sex trafficking survivor. After battling eight years of sexual abuse between the ages of nine and seventeen and suffering two miscarriages of fetuses conceived from rape, I fled my father and my abusive household to attend Central Maine Community College. There I was conferred an Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts with a 4.0GPA while working twenty hours per week in a federally approved work study program, primarily as a math and science tutor.

Miraculously, I was accepted to Smith College, a premier Women’s College in Massachusetts. Although I was generously offered a significant amount of financial aid in the form of scholarships, grants, and student loans covering nearly all of my tuition, housing, and healthcare, other miscellaneous expenses such as textbooks ($500 per semester+), transportation to and from Smith ($200 per semester+), housing during recesses, and basic dorm amenities (laundry, housing dues, living and school supplies etc.) were not.

If I cannot scrape together the funds, I cannot attend. Without a car or a dependable place to live, I will be forced to consider returning to my abusive household.

As it is, I am bouncing between relatives for the summer and therefore cannot find steady work. I am using my measly reserve of earnings as well as SNAP benefits to feed myself; there is nothing extra. I cannot pay for treatment for my disfigured spine, a result of my abuse, nor can I pay for therapy for my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, much less afford mounting textbook costs. 

If you could please help a sister dig herself out of the wretched hole she came from, I would be eternally grateful. 

Thank you so much for reading and have a fabulous day.

August 2014
22
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Most mass murderers do not go from zero to 60. Rodger made escalating assaults on women (splashing coffee on them, attempting to shove them off a ledge) before his killing spree. Both Cho and Justin-Jinich’s murderer harassed women before they killed anyone. When such acts go unnoticed and unpunished — because we expect men to harass women, and it’s not outrageous or even noteworthy when they do — they can become stepping-stones to more conspicuous and less socially acceptable acts of violence.

 -

Raina Lipsitz

Interesting to note that while a history of animal cruelty is widely accepted to be a link with becoming a serial killer, the link between cruelty towards women and killing women is still up for debate. If a guy abuses a cat and then shoots women we say "we should have seen it coming that guy was nuts", but if abuses women and then shoots women we say "we had no way of seeing it coming that guy was a perfectly polite, kind and wonderful human 

(via marxisforbros)

August 2014
16
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“Consent is sexy” is rape culture wrapped in feminist packaging. “Consent is sexy” is no longer good enough, if it ever was.

I can appreciate that there was once a need for this narrative. This line of thinking has served a purpose and helped bring conversations about consent into mainstream public consciousness. There was a time and a place for common sense arguments like, “Isn’t it so much hotter to get enthusiastic consent from a partner who whispers, ‘I want your cock’ than starting to fuck someone who isn’t into it?” The concept of consent was so far removed from mainstream conversations that we needed something catchy and simple and kind of glamorous for people to latch onto in order to hear what we had to say.

But I feel like at this point, we’re beyond that narrative. A lot of people get the concept of enthusiastic consent. We’re talking about it in more places and with more people than we ever have (though not nearly enough, I know). We’ve made some semblance of progress when it comes to talking about consent. And so it’s time to start framing consent differently. Because, to be quite honest, a thong with the words “consent is sexy” is not just not doing it for me, it’s actively offensive to me.

Because why is the end goal always for women to be sexy? Why is that what we’re supposed to aspire to (and while consent is not exclusive to hetero pairings, we usually only talk about consent as it relates to them, thus being that I, as a woman, should want to aspire to be sexy for a man)? Why is it that we feel like we need to frame consent as something appealing to men in order to make it worth talking about? What if I don’t want to be sexy? What if I just want to be respected? What if I just want to have agency? What if I just, you know, don’t want to be raped?

August 2014
14
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August 2014
14
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  • dudes: "all men watch porn just get used to it"
  • dudes: "men just have stronger sex drives than women, its just biology"
  • dudes: "we can't help objectifying women, its in our dna"
  • feminists: "rape happens a lot in our society and most are perpetrated by men, towards women, and i can't tell the difference between safe men and dangerous men just by looking so i tend to be wary of men sometimes"
  • dudes: "NOW WAIT JUST A FUCKIN SECOND HOW CAN YOU GENERALIZE ALL MEN THATS SO UNFAIR"
August 2014
05
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bebinn:

projectunbreakable:

ten photographs portraying quotes said to sexual assault survivors by their friends/family 

more info about project unbreakable here

original tumblr here

If a victim decides to tell anyone about their assault, often the first person they confide in is a family or friend. The reaction they get has deep implications for their healing process and if they decide to seek justice. If you are their first person, what will your reaction be? Start by believing.

August 2014
04
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But not all men are like that!!!!!

piscula:

men can take upskirt pictures of women and girls because women in public spaces have no legal expectation of privacy

women are treated as property that can be bought and sold and stolen as opposed to people

girls as young as kindergarten are called “sluts” for wearing a short skirt and forced to change clothes because boys and men might be distracted

men and boys literally can not seem to empathize with women (because i swear to god if melinda was a male character and everything else was the same the boys would not be asking that question)

men view women as literal objects

men build their own superiority into achievement tests that (in america) determine your future prospects

men believe that fat women don’t deserve to be loved simply because they are fat

women are villified for normal miscarriages and for aborting fetuses that were the result of rape (not to mention intentionally asserting bodily autonomy simply because you don’t want a fetus)

women can be raped on screen but can not masturbate on screen (even though men have masturbated on screen all the fucking time)

not wearing make up is one of the ways that psychologists determine if a woman is mentally healthy

Men have flat out stated that even if there is concrete evidence that a rape happened they would vote not guilty if on a jury.

Women need about 6 more years of education than men on average to make a comparable amount of money

Male Police officers have arrested women for resisting their advances with no initial punishment (until activists spoke up)

and this is just what i can think of recently.  There is so so so so so much more

August 2014
04
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yyuks:w0l0w1zard:fitandhealthyforlifee:friendlyneighborhoodcurmudgeon:





Two MSU basketball players raped a woman in the dorms then one admitted to it. Their only consequence was that they had to move out of the dorms. This picture is of me and one other woman holding up this banner during Midnight Madness. Two other brave souls had a banner on the other side for a while before some jerk started playing tug or war with them over it. This was taken before we got booed at by 10,000 people and police escorted from the stadium. 

How screwed up are people to boo at this? 

Let’s keep reposting this. Rapists should be charged.

how is sport more important than the lives of women? like honestly baffling

yyuks:w0l0w1zard:fitandhealthyforlifee:friendlyneighborhoodcurmudgeon:

Two MSU basketball players raped a woman in the dorms then one admitted to it. Their only consequence was that they had to move out of the dorms. This picture is of me and one other woman holding up this banner during Midnight Madness. Two other brave souls had a banner on the other side for a while before some jerk started playing tug or war with them over it. This was taken before we got booed at by 10,000 people and police escorted from the stadium. 

How screwed up are people to boo at this? 

Let’s keep reposting this. Rapists should be charged.

how is sport more important than the lives of women?
like honestly baffling

July 2014
31
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porn teaches men they are gods. pop culture teaches men that the epitome of success is to be surrounded by naked women, fawning over you. prostitution exists because we, as a culture, very much believe that women exist to pleasure men. we tell women that they have to “work” in marriage, to keep their men happy, to keep them from straying — buy sexy lingerie, try threesomes, try anal, perform every porn fantasy he has — he needs it, he deserves it, it is your job.

we can continue to skirt around these truths — that the sex industry and our patriarchal culture breed men like rodger — but expect more violence, more deaths, more rape, and more abuse. our world is rife with elliot rodgers. we create them every day. they aren’t going anywhere.

July 2014
30

50shadesisdomesticabuse.com:

So, here’s how Fifty Shades could have been consensual…

• If Christian had asked to meet up with Ana again at their very first encounter in his office, rather than stalking her to her workplace, without knowing whether she wanted to see him again (and, vitally, had she said yes to that request), that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had respected Ana’s wishes and stayed away, rather than tracking her phone and stalking her to the bar she was drinking in with her friends, that would have been consensual.

• If Ana hadn’t been so drunk that she passed out shortly after Christian arrived at the bar and had been sober enough to agree to being taken back to his place, that would have been consensual.

• If Ana had been conscious and sober whilst Christian undressed her and put her to bed and had she agreed to those things, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had avoided any manipulative tactics; not played upon his abusive childhood, not warned Ana that he’d be “bad” for her, not played any kind of mind games, just been himself and given her a chance to decide whether she wanted a relationship with him and had she decided that she did, without any manipulation, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had listened when Ana said “no” to his expensive gifts and stopped buying them so as not to make her feel uncomfortable, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had said, “Hey, I’m into BDSM and I’d love to try it with you. Here are a couple of books I’ve taken out from the library for you to read. I can take you to a club if you like and I can give you some website addresses, where you can chat to other people in the lifestyle so you can make your mind up. And please know that I won’t force you at all; if you say no - and you have every right to - I won’t pressure you to change your mind. If we try it and you don’t like it, I won’t force you to try again…” and had Ana said yes after gaining full understanding of what she was getting into, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had allowed Ana as much time as she liked to decide whether BDSM was for her, rather than manipulating her and playing on her emotions with his “I had a tortured childhood, I need this…” routine (and had Ana agreed to the BDSM without all of that manipulation), that would have been consensual.

• If, when Ana told Christian that she didn’t like being spanked, he had refrained from either doing it or threatening to do it, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had taken Ana’s list of limits seriously, rather than insisting on pushing them in order to pursue his own desires, that would have been consensual.

• If, when Ana said “no” after Christian initiated sex (having turned up out of the blue after thinking that Ana was ending their relationship), Christian had stopped what he was doing, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had explained what orgasm denial means and asked whether Ana would be okay with that, rather than confusing and upsetting her by doing it to her without permission (and, crucially, if she had agreed to it after discussing it with him), that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had insisted that Ana was sober whilst they discussed hard and soft limits, so she knew exactly what she was getting into and could logically process the information she was being bombarded with to a point where she reached clear agreement to his terms, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had refused to lay a finger on Ana when she was too drunk to give sober agreement, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had listened to Ana telling him that, whilst she might enjoy being dominated in the bedroom, she had no desire to be a 24/7 sub/slave and had therefore stopped trying to control what she wore, what she ate, who she saw and where she went, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had listened to Ana’s wishes and stopped treating her like a piece of his property, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had set clear, firm “rules” for Ana to stick to (and had she agreed to those rules), rather than constantly moving the goal posts and leaving her never sure whether her behaviour will see her “punished,” that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had listened to Ana’s request for some time and space away from him, rather than flying hundreds of miles to stalk her whilst she was visiting her mother, that would have been consensual.

• If Christian had discussed marking Ana’s body and whether she wanted that to happen (and had she agreed to it), rather than bruising her body without permission as punishment for sunbathing topless, that would have been consensual.

I could go on and on, but I think you’re probably getting the picture…

There is almost no free consent in Fifty Shades of Grey. The consent Ana gives is often the result of being given copious amounts of alcohol, or having been pressured and manipulated by Christian. At other points in the story, Christian doesn’t even make any attempt to gain Ana’s consent before he acts (such as when he stalks her, accesses her bank account and deposits money in it without her giving him the relevant information and when he chooses to ignore her concerns about certain aspects of BDSM).

Ana may be 21, EL James. But she is a deeply immature and naive 21. I would have trouble believing she was capable of consenting to things she didn’t understand even without the use of alcohol and manipulation to coerce her into it. But with those things? She’s not giving free consent. And sexual activity without full, sober consent? There’s a word for that. And it sure as Hell isn’t “hot.”

July 2014
27
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July 2014
25
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Anonymous asked

isn't this kink shaming

thicccc:

RAPE ISN’T A KINK RAPE ISN’T SEX RAPE IS RAPE YOU CAN’T SHAME RAPE

July 2014
25
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Comic-Con 2014: Outcry, action against harassment grows 

July 2014
25
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What We Can Learn From The Largest International Study On Rape That’s Been Conducted So Far 

socialrants:

  • On average, about one in four men included in the study said they had raped someone at some point in their lives. One in ten had raped someone who wasn’t their romantic partner.
  • The UN survey found that rape between married partners was more prevalent than rape among people who were not in a romantic relationship
  • Nearly half of the respondents who said they had raped at least once went on to rape multiple victims. Nearly 23 percent said they had raped two to three people, 12 percent say they had raped four to ten people, and about 4 percent said they had raped more than ten people.
  • More than half of the study’s respondents who admitted they had violated someone’s consent were teenagers when they first raped someone. Most sexual crimes recorded in the study occurred when men were between the ages of 15 and 19.
  • Among the men who acknowledged they had sexually assaulted someone else, more than 70 percent of them said they did it because of “sexual entitlement.” Forty percent said they were angry or wanted to punish the woman. About half of the men said they did not feel guilty.
  • Just 23 percent of the men who said they had raped someone had actually been imprisoned for their crimes.
July 2014
23
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Comics and the language of consent

geekamazone:

CW: discussion of rape, consent, consent violation, rape tropes, sexual assault. 

#firerickremender is trending and it’s spurring me to write this piece about the dynamics of consent and the importance of writing clear, clean cut consent when it comes to sexual encounters in comics, instead of the blurred, grey area they currently use. I am not a native English speaker and I apologize for any grammatical error you might find.

I’ve seen adults (or I assume they are from their discourse) talk about the racism and sexism in Remender’s writing but without addressing how one of the target demographics might be impacted by the content of those books. 

That demographic is teenagers and tweens. I remember that I started reading comics when I was about 9 or 10 years old, and they shaped so much of my childhood. At that age, many of us are starting to question and discover our sexuality, our relationship to sex and consent, our identity, all that important stuff that will finally make us the adult that we are going to be. Puberty is about to come knocking, and our whole body and mind are shaping and adapting for it. 

This is why it is important that comics, shows, cartoons, and all the medias targeting that demographic group keep to a clear guideline as to what consent is. Grey area only confuses the teens and enables predators to prey on them with more ease. It also validates those who will choose to prey on others in the future. 

Perpetuating myths like that of the teenage temptress or that blackout drunk sex isn’t rape or traumatizing (spoiler alert, it is) are dangerous. 

Writers need to learn and invest time into what consent is and how to promote safe, sane and consensual sex in comics. 

And when it isn’t safe, sane and consensual? It needs to be called by its name: rape, sexual assault, coercion, and NOT sex. It needs to show consequences and to be addressed respectfully. 

More writers and editors need to invest in the idea that consent is clear, continuous, informed, uncoerced and between people capable of consent

More writers need to have their characters seek consent in all situations. 

More writers need to spell it out when their characters violate consent. 

A 10 years old child reading Captain America might now believe that getting your partner drunk is fine, or that teen girls lie about their age, or any of the other tropes and myths that the book perpetuates. 

Those beliefs are dangerous and harmful. That kid might go on hurting others, or being hurt, because the book failed to address how wrong that whole situation was. 

Art mirrors life, and life mirrors art. It’s a cycle. 

Writers have the power to help shape the next generation’s idea of consent. Are you ready to shoulder that responsibility, Remender? You have the power, Marvel. Show us responsibility